DIVORCE CHALLENGES: Wrong End of the Divorce Stick

I found myself dealing with one of the greatest divorce challenges when my wife told me she was divorcing me. There I stood in a fog, feeling my life drain on the floor around me and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. The last thing I wanted was a divorce.

We were currently separated at the time when she came to visit me. I hoped her visit was to bring the good news of reconciliation and I could come home. Instead of the good news I had hoped for it was the Grim Reaper calling for the death of our marriage. I felt like I was standing in a puddle of water with my hands tied looking at my wife as I begged her to reconsider.

She refused to work things out and I soon found myself with divorce papers in my hands. It was the greatest of my divorce challenges where I found myself on the receiving end of “the divorce stick.” Here are a few things about that topic that I am even today still learning about.

Divorce Challenges: Healing Isn't Like the 24 Hour Flu

I remember one of my divorce challenges when my divorce arrived that I would be over it as if I had the 24 hour flu. One day I would wake up and it would all be better! If anyone tells you that it is as simple as one, two, three, they are sadly mistaken. The truth is that I found that the divorce process is one that takes time. You may take two steps forward than three steps back. There will be times when you will struggle and times when you will be able to move ahead. Your divorce challenges will be a time of ups and downs much like a roller coaster ride. If you prepare yourself for the ride, you will be able to coast through it one day at a time.

Someone has said that time has a way to heal your hurts. I did experience that, but be aware that some of the hurt will always be there. I will never forget the pain I felt when she said she was ending our marriage. I had worked hard at trying to keep it going and open to getting help to make it work I would have done anything to not hear the word divorce. She didn't want any part of it, she emotionally had moved on. In time, I found out why when I read of her quick marriage to another man. That only added to my pain.

What I also discovered in my divorce challenges was time doesn't erase the pain totally, but it does become less as you move on day by day. It is like the time when I broke my leg during my youth, it hurt like crazy when it happened, but over time it did heal and I was back up walking on it, but now that I am older I can tell when the weather turns because I can still feel the ache that persists. That is what the pain of divorce is like. It is never really totally gone. It is one of the hurtful divorce challenges we face!

Divorce is very painful. It is my belief that receiving a divorce is more painful than giving one. I know both are painful, I have experienced both and it has been my experience that being on the receiving end hurts worse.

I also learned in my divorce challenges that by experiencing the pain, whether it was my choice or not, I still benefited from that pain. What I mean is that I am thankful for what that experience did for me as a person, it allowed me to grow and learn from my mistakes.

It was my football coach who said NO PAIN! NO GAIN!

Divorce Challenges: Put Up Your Dukes!

Another one of my divorce challenges was the filing of the divorce and the fact that my wife drug me through the process. I desperately hung onto my worth! She would take every opportunity to try to beat me down, but I didn't allow her to do that to me

You may feel like a worthless unlovable failure because you are not able to make that relationship work with your spouse. But that doesn't mean you can't move on in life. You CAN be involved in a loving relationship again, if the opportunity arises. I use to tell myself that "I am just not any good with relationships"

I discovered the opposite; however, as I am so blessed to be married today to a wonderful, loving, caring woman that I adore. I may not be the Number 1 in relationships, but I am certainly far better than what I had been telling myself. I have also learned that my divorce challenges may have had much more to do with my wife's issues than being about me. Try not to criticize yourself and put yourself down for you STILL have many sun filled days on your horizon!

Divorce Challenges : Travel Back In Time

After my divorce challenges began, I found myself trying to figure out who I was. I had me all figured out when I was married, but now I wondered who I really was?

What helped me the most was to go back and reflect on what I was BEFORE my past failed relationship. I looked back and saw several characteristics that I liked. The biggest characteristic for me was that I've always enjoyed helping people. Guess that's why I created “A Divorce Oasis”. I want to help those of you who are struggling to thrive through this miserable experience.

When your divorce challenges happen, it places you at the door step to opportunities to go after dreams you may have stored away.

These are just a few ways to address your divorce challenge, but there are many more. I encourage you to not allow divorce to squash you under the weight of all the pain. Yes, experience the pain, take the time to heal and while doing so remember that you have loads of great days ahead. It wasn't your choice for divorce, but it is your choice on how you will use divorce to make you a better person!. So, get them out and go after them! Now is that time, use divorce to enhance, not cripple your life and dreams.

Emotions are HUGE in divorce, listen this week to ADO LIVE! - A Podcast with Purpose" Learn about "Sadness- A Broken Heart" Find us at www.adivorceoasis.com