Divorce Recovery: A Finger Lickin' Recipe

Divorce Recovery is like Colonel Sanders secret ingredients, except it is not a secret.  According to Colonel Sanders.com,    “Colonel Harland Sanders carried the secret formula for his Kentucky Fried Chicken for years in his head and the spice mixture in his car.” Today, the recipe is locked away in a safe in Louisville, Kentucky. Only a handful of people know that multi-million dollar recipe, and each person is obligated to strict confidentiality by contract.

While those few individuals are sworn to secrecy with the Colonel’s recipe, I'm here to declare that the "secret ingredients" for divorce recovery is not locked up in a vault, but is available to all who are struggling to survive a separation and/or divorce.

You won't have to twist my arm to share what I have learned about the secret ingredients to divorce recovery. They are quite simple, but like the Colonel's recipe, you can't miss one of the ingredients and still have what makes that "Finger lickin' chicken" so good!

Ok, ok, here they are...

DIVORCE RECOVERY Ingredient #1 : Time

It is one of the vital ingredients if you want to recover successfully from divorce. The saying "Time Heals All Wounds" isn't exactly totally true in divorce, but it certainly helps. Time gives us space to reflect and understand ourselves better. When I was faced with my divorces, I wanted to take the time out of the "recipe" and move away from the ** now to a happier tomorrow.   That my friend is wrong; however, because we miss out on what could happen in those ticks of the clock to help us heal and become a healthier, more rounded person.

Every moment either decides our success or our failure in divorce recovery. I recently read a comment from someone regarding their divorce experience.   They said that they didn't need to take the time to recover, they were in fact already off to another new relationship. Their response was that life moves on, so why not move ahead. The problem with that is like the Colonel's recipe which loses an ingredient and only has a mixture of 10 spices and herbs. It would make the chicken taste differently.  When it comes to divorce recovery, you must use all of the ingredients at just the right time. Without all the ingredients, it leaves a bad taste in your mouth. Taking time to heal is the # 1 key to a divorce recovery. You must allow yourself the time to grieve. No one on earth wants to feel hurt and pain, but until you can embrace it and deal with it, it will be almost impossible to move forward and allow someone new into your life. You will only bring the baggage with you into the new relationship and it will cause problems sooner or later.   So please take time to heal. How much you ask? This is a question that is almost impossible to answer as the healing is based on an individual basis. Some people only need a few months and some people need at least a year, maybe even more.   When in doubt, take the longer route. When your heart feels like it can smile again then you will know that you are ready to move on.  I found that the longer you take, the healthier you become as a person.

DIVORCE RECOVERY Ingredient #2: Process

Process in my divorce recovery experience meant that I was able take some of the pieces of my life and put them in some kind of order. In my mind, it is like the 1000 piece puzzle. You take one piece in your hand, you can't quite figure out where the matching piece may be, but you keep looking until the pieces fit. That was my way of processing. That type of processing doesn't happen overnight, again it takes time, as we have just discussed. Let me interject here, that all the pieces will not come together all at once, some may take years. Start with one and keep putting pieces together until they all fit and the puzzle is complete.

Processing also involves feeling the pain. As I said before, Divorce hurts so it is important to feel the emotions of divorce, but not let them control you. That is the BIG difference!   Yes, I did grieve my loss and was sad, but I did not let those same emotions drive me to depression or to point of not being able to function.

In your divorce recovery, use processing for the purpose of looking back, putting pieces together about your divorce and also where you fell short. Learn from your pain and past, you will become a stronger person. It will also give you a greater outcome for your next relationship.

DIVORCE RECOVERY Ingredient #3: Learn and Lean

Your divorce recovery shouldn’t be a solo experience, it should be shared with those you can trust. What I mean is that pulling away and figuring your can "fix yourself" by yourself is not going to work. That is the voice of experience, my own experience.  I thought I could do the divorce recovery thing by myself, but in time I discovered I needed help. So learn from me and the failures I made and move your divorce recovery on faster by getting help and encouragement.

I used both professional help and personal friends that I trusted who I knew would listen and understand. So lean on others so your load will become lighter.

Take the time to learn from those who have traveled down the road of divorce before you. I created     A Divorce Oasis(ADO) to be a place of encouragement, but also a place to learn from our experiences. It is up to you to make a decision to willingly learn from those who have been down the road that you are now traveling. Let ADO be your companion through your divorce, we have the experience to help and the heart to feel your pain. Please don't be a stranger, Come to the Oasis!

We are here for you.

Certainly divorce recovery is a very complex process, but these three ingredients will give you a skeleton outline to work from and in. Use it wisely!

A recipe for Finger lickin chicken is nice if you're hungry, but if you are hurting from the pain and struggles from a divorce, then mix these three and find yourself on the road to a successful divorce recovery.

I guarantee it!

A Divorce Oasis is here for you, visit us at www.adivorceoasis.com